Seeking Him

It's been a hard couple of weeks. Jeff's grandmother passed away completely unexpectedly. It was a sad and very busy time for our family. It's hard to find joy and thankfulness in the pain and darkness that come with unexpected pain-but is pain easier if you are prepared for it? If we are honest, I'd think probably not. In my last post I was talking about the book I was reading: 1000 gifts, it is amazing that as I keep picking up that book to read in quiet moments, how our situations are seeming to mirror each other--not specifically in events, but more the feelings that different events emote. The last couple of chapters that I read spoke of finding thankfulness during the hard times...you know them, not just the times that you suffer significant loss, but also the times where your head is pounding, much like the drum that your two year old insists on playing, regardless of all of the quiet activities that you offer, and the dogs leaving "presents" when they have been house trained for years. How do you find God then?
 I think that is my challenge. Finding God when the little things are going wrong. I find that its pretty easy to offer platitudes to myself and others when the big things are going wrong, but that's probably partially how I was raised--so it becomes more natural for me--to turn to God when things are good, and when they are really really wrong. But why don't I turn to God always? This is my new challenge to myself. I'm going to do the 1000 gifts list--it all started when she got an email asking her to make a list of 1000 things she is thankful for. Yep. I'm going to do it--and pray that it continues to make turning to God and always thing, and not just a platitude thing.
 It was there, in the verse I posted before. It's worth posting again. So pardon my redundancy. I think I was focusing on the first two verses

Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NIV)
 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (11). Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you (12)

which is all fine and dandy, and beautiful and filled with hope. But I think it is the 13th verse that I needed to hear, and listen to, focus on, and pray about:

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart (13).

Wow. If I'm truly 1000% honest with myself, I can say these words, with certainty, shame, and an overwhelming sadness. I have not been seeking Him with all my heart. I know that I will never get there, because I'm human, and I'm going to sin. But I need to try harder. So I'm going to try harder because I want a true relationship with the living God. I want to experience all the joy that He wants me to--even in times of pain.